Bakura's first trip to a fancy restaurant
by Psycho BakuRyou
Summary: Bakura's really hungry! So Ryou takes him out to a fancy French restaurant. What odd things will they find in their food? How will Bakura behave? Read and find out.


Bakura's first trip to a fancy restaurant

7:00 P.M Ryou had just come home from his tutoring sessions at school…he was tutoring Joey…

"Food…food…food." Bakura moaned chewing on a pillow

"I'm so-o-o sorry Bakura Joey's really slow and he couldn't figure out why 2 plus 2 equaled 4." Ryou said taking the pillow from his mouth.

"My steak!" Bakura screamed grabbing the pillow and growling at Ryou for taking it away from him.

Ryou emptied his pockets and saw one hundred and twenty dollars. "Bakura! You hungry boy?" Ryou asked waving his money.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Ye-

"Give it a rest." Ryou interrupted.

"Where we going! Where we going! Huh! Ryou where are we going! You're not talking! Talk! Talk! Are you deaf! Talk! Hello I'm talking to you! Ryou's dead." Bakura said quickly shaking Ryou.

"Bakura I'm alive you're talking to fast." Ryou said.

"Here have a snickers!" Marik screamed from outside their window.

Bakura saw the snickers land at his feet and saw it floating.

"I am Snickers eat me. You know you want to eat me. Eat Ryou. Not me…I have kids…being manufactured now never mind." The snickers said.

Bakura drooled and tried grabbing the levitating snickers.

_What's he trying to grab? _Ryou continued staring at Bakura trying to grab…air.

"Did he eat it!" Marik screamed from outside their window.

"Food." Bakura said stopping and listening to Marik's voice.

"Well…Ryou did he eat it?" Marik asked.

"No. Why don't you come inside the house better you look like a retard screaming in my window?" Ryou said.

Marik ran up the stairs and tripped.

"I'm here. It feels like I ran a marathon." Marik said drenched in sweat.

"Marik…never mind I'm not asking." Ryou said.

"La la la la la la la la Bakura's food

He's really hungry his stupid friends not feeding him

And I talked to a floating snickers bar. This is the song lalalalalalala

Bakura's song. He likes to eat lalalala Bakura's food. Why aren't I going anywhere to eat lalalalala. Marik looks re-e-e-eally good to eat lalalalala or maybe Ryou…or the snickers even though it's kids are getting manufactured." Bakura sang banging on bongos.

"I really need to feed my Yami before he…goes mental." Ryou said dragging Bakura on the floor.

"Hey Marik…it this the first time you wear shorts?" Bakura asked drooling.

"Yea. My legs needed air. Always confined in black pants and my little sweater thing I got going on. It—Ryou! I know who I will be in life." Marik said interrupting himself.

"Food?" Bakura asked.

"No…Kenny. That little dude always dying in South Park. I mean…I got the little hood down." Marik said putting on his hood.

"Marik this is the stupidest thing you've said all year. And too think…you wouldn't say something stupid this year. You were on a role Marik." Ryou said.

Bakura eyed Marik as he spoke to Ryou about him not being stupid. He opened his mouth and ate Marik whole.

"Oh my god! He killed Kenny…Marik." Ryou screamed putting his hands on his face.

"Look at me I'm a little bastard. Now Ryou! If you don't wanna be eaten too you find me someplace to eat or I'll be a bigger bastard." Bakura said evilly.

Ryou ran out the door with Bakura following him and ended up and "Le Booger." A French restaurant.

"Don't seem too healthy." Ryou said.

Bakura growled loudly and put a fork to Ryou's back.

"But I'm sure it tastes greater than it sounds. After all my Yami needs a full tummy now doesn't he?" Ryou said patting Bakura's stomach.

"Don't touch me bitch! Walk!" Bakura screamed.

Ryou whimpered and entered the restaurant.

"Bonjour my name is Philippi I will be your waiter." Philippi said.

"Bitch! I'm starving you cut the cheese and take us to our tables or I'm eating you!" Bakura yelled grabbing the waiter.

"R-right this way." Philippi said sweating and taking them to a table.

"Ryou…I can't read. Read now!" Bakura said angrily throwing his menu at Ryou.

_How the hell…I can't read this either._ "Um…I'll have whatever this is and he'll have that…thingy." Ryou said pointing to everything.

"Excellent choices sir." Philippi said taking their menus.

"Oh boy! OH boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Steak!" Bakura said jumping in his chiar.

_Let's hope for my sake…I got steak._ Ryou smiled nervously at Bakura and fidgeted.

A few hours later…

"What the hell man! I've been waiting for 50 hours damn! I'm starving! Ryou go get them or I'm eating you!" Bakura yelled angrily. "And make it snappy Marik's kicking in."

Ryou got up and saw their waiter. "Thank you. He's coming now." Ryou said.

"Your food sirs. Pardon for taking so long." Philippi said.

"Damn right bitch you took long! I was about to eat Ryou here." Bakura said snatching the plate from the waiter and kicking him away.

"Your drinks…sirs." Philippi said fixing his hair and putting water and a purple drink for Bakura.

"Yea! Grape soda!" Bakura said happily.

Ryou tasted his food and gagged. _Shit…what the fuck is this!_ He saw his food moving and got up screaming. "My food's still alive!" He screamed getting behind Bakura.

Bakura grabbed his fork and poked it. It made a squishing noise and went back in its shell. Ryou screamed little a little girl. "Kill Bakura! Kill it kill it kill it! You're good at that!" Ryou said frantically.

"To the shadow realm with you!" Bakura screamed at Ryou's food.

They made squishing noises and continued moving.

"This…is the strongest being in the world. It did not go to the shadow realm." Bakura said looking at it more closely.

"I don't care! Kill it!" Ryou screamed.

Bakura put the plate on the floor and started dancing around it like a Mexican mariachi. He squished the ones that got off the plate.

"There Ryou. Have fun now let me eat!" Bakura said looking at his food.

Ryou sat down and looked at his squished food. "Ew you're actually eating the food here?" Ryou whispered to Bakura who was attacking what looked like a fungus tree on a log.

"Mmm-hmm. I'm starving! I don't know what this is but it's not bad but it's not great either." Bakura said muffled and spitting food everywhere. He burped loudly and punched his stomach. "Marik's not really fitting my stomach well." He said.

Ryou sank in his chair and covered his face. He noticed something sticking out of Bakura's mouth and still with his face covered went to see what it was. "Aww! Ew! Bakura! That's so nasty!" Ryou said disgustedly.

"What?" Bakura asked letting his food drop out of his mouth and land on his plate all mushy and gooey.

Ryou inched his hand towards Bakura's mouth and reached for…the hair sticking out from his food.

"That was in my food! What a surprise." Bakura said eating his slop of gooey food.

"Bakura…show some manners please that's really disgusting." Ryou hissed.

"How is everyone do—

"Great!" Ryou interrupted Philippi.

"My good sir…when you are eating escargot you can't let the juice seep out of them like that it ruins the texture and taste. You like to slurp them like oysters." Philippi said demonstrating and slurping loudly.

"Escargot? Isn't that…snail?" Ryou asked turning green.

"Why yes. Very famous in France." Philippi said.

Ryou drank water and gargled silently to take the snail after taste from his mouth.

"I see you seem to be liking your Salade de Pleurotes." Philippi said.

"What the fuck is that!" Bakura asked slurping his drool noisily.

"It's—Bakura slurped nosily again.

"May I con—Bakura slurped again.

"Baku—He slurped.

"Plea—He finished slurping.

"Thank yo—Bakura sneezed and blew his nose.

"Oh my god!" Ryou said disgustedly.

"I think Marik made me sick. Boogers aren't red right?" Bakura asked staring at his paper.

"I'm never taking you out anywhere ever again Bakura." Ryou said.

"Hey wai-waiter get me some more Grape soda." Bakura ordered shaking his glass.

"If you want to call it that." Philippi said taking Bakura's glass.

Bakura giggled. "Ryou…you're so pretty." He said hiccupping and blinking quickly.

"Aha. Thank you…Bakura." Ryou said cocking an eyebrow.

"Damn…it's hot in here." Bakura said fanning himself.

"Bakura what are you talking about it's freezing in here." Ryou said rubbing his arms for warmth.

"Well…that's because you're Indian." Bakura said giggling crazily.

"Are you ok?" Ryou asked.

"I'm fine. Did I say you were cute already?" Bakura asked sighing.

"Yes…this would be your second time." Ryou said.

"Your drink sir." Philippi said.

"Good bitch. You're cute." Bakura told Philippi.

"You're not the only one that thinks so." Philippi said cockily.

"Must be some ugly women that say that then." Ryou said loud enough for Philippi too hear.

"I beg your pardon sir?" Philippi asked angrily.

"Oh. You heard me? I'm so sorry just ignore me. If it makes you feel any better I'm ugly too." Ryou said smiling nervously.

"Yea right Ryou." Bakura hiccupped. "You're so—hiccups—hot." He said giggling.

"What is wrong with you!" Ryou asked almost yelling.

"Nothing." Bakura giggled asking for more of his drink.

"This is the most anyone has ever drunken you're very ambitious." Philippi said.

"Wait…what is this?" Ryou asked snatching Bakura's drink and taking a sip. He made a sour face and stuck his tongue out in disgust. "This is wine." Ryou said.

"It's…really good." Bakura said tipsily.

"Bakura no more. Have some water." Ryou said.

"No. I-I want Grape soda." Bakura cried. "I never get anything! You never give me anything Ryou! Why don't you love me!" Bakura cried.

"Oh my god." Ryou said embarrassed.

"Hey! Hey! I got a good joke." Bakura said already laughing.

"What is it Bakura?" Ryou asked.

"Knock Knock." Bakura said giggling.

"Who's there?" Ryou asked sighing.

"Some." Bakura said.

"Some who?" Ryou asked.

"Some asshole telling you a knock knock joke!" Bakura said laughing hysterically.

Ryou chuckled supportively and rested his head on his hand.

"Wait wait! Another one! Ok. There's a blond right." Bakura said giggling.

"Uh-huh?" Ryou said bored.

"She goes to the doctor because she claims she hurts all over. "Ow my leg hurts! Ow my nose hurt! Ow my teeth hurt! My hair even hurts! The blond would scream." Bakura said still giggling.

"Continue…" Ryou said.

"Well the doctor asked "Is blond your natural hair color?" "Yes." She replied. "Well I hate to break it to you but you have a broken finger!" Bakura said laughing hysterically.

"That was hilarious." Ryou said sarcastically.

"You stop being so—hiccups—mean Ryou. I…I know where you live." Bakura said.

"I live with you." Ryou said.

"Damn it's really hot in here!" Bakura screamed stripping.

"Bakura! Put your shirt back on." Ryou hissed covering his face again.

"No bitch I'm hot." Bakura said.

Ryou put a hand on Bakura's head and heard Bakura make a sizzling noise. "Yea I'm hot." Bakura said giggling.

Bakura got up from his chair and started dancing around the table. "More more more…how do you like it how do you like it." He sang.

"Oh no! Now he's going into singsong." Ryou groaned.

"Dora, Dora, Dora the explorer…DORA! Boots is super cool explora Dora. Grab your backpack come on let's go vayamos (Spanish for let's go) you can lead the wa-a-a-a-y hey HEY! D-D-D-D-Dora D-D-Dora D-D-D-Dora! Swiper no swiping swiper no swiping!"

Ryou groaned and hid his face.

"Dididididodododo...dididododododo YEEHAW! Here we go. Dididididididodododo that's it." Bakura continued singing now dancing with a little girl.

"Mommy I'm scared!" The little girl cried.

"Alright everybody now here we go it's a brand new version of the dosie-do. Just stomp your feet and clap your hands come on everybody it's the hampster dance. Bouncing time to the beat hey you don't even have to move your feet just shake your thang let me see you move and spin and let me see you groove…YEEHAW!" Bakura sang moon walking and spinning around.

"Oh my god my Yami's a drunk." Ryou cried.

"Your bill sir." Philippi said.

"Come one everybody…it's the hampster dance…come on everybody…dadadadooo adadadadadooo didididdodododo YEEHAW!" Bakura sang throwing the little girl across the room.

"My baby!" The mother cried.

"Whoa Ryou…is that your social security number or our phone number?" Bakura asked giggling and slurring.

Ryou fainted at the sight of the bill.

"He's not the only one that's fainted." Philippi said.

"Listen…can't you—hiccups—cut him some slack. He's just a little kid. All he wanted was a bicycle was that…so much to—hiccups—ask? Just give him the damn bike man. I'm serious. The bike. I want the bike. Bike now. Ooh my stomach hurts." Bakura said giggling and groaning in pain then giggling again.

Ryou recuperated from his unconsciousness and stared at the bill. "An Escargot is one hundred twenty dollars! That's a rip!" Ryou screamed.

"No this is a rip." Bakura said ripping a paper and laughing hysterically.

"Not now Bakura grown men are talking." Ryou said patting Bakura.

"Yes mommy." Bakura said playing with his hair and hiccupping.

"Bakura's dish was one hundred thirty and my water you can't charge water!" Ryou yelled.

"Not if it's from Zephyr hills. The spring like no other." Philippi said dramatically.

"You still can't charge water unless it was bottled!" Ryou screamed.

"It was once bottled." Philippi said.

"And it's not the fact that you're charging me for water it's how much you're charging it for! Five bucks what the hell man!" Ryou shouted.

Bakura slapped Ryou. "No curse mommy corner time out." Bakura said giggling.

"And two hundred dollars for wine! Gees you're running your own lotto! I'm not paying. Do what you will I'm not paying and we didn't even eat the food was disgusting. My Yami's food had a hair in it and instead of telling us what we got you just threw it on our plates like flapjacks." Ryou said.

Bakura laughed hysterically. "Flapjacks. Kills me all the time." He said wiping his eye.

"I'm calling the police." Philippi said.

"Go ahead! Fine!" Ryou shouted watching Philippi leave. "Oh man oh man oh man! I don't have that kind of money! It's a rip! I only have one hundred twenty dollars and no credit card! Uh!" Ryou groaned hitting his head against the table.

"Ryou." Bakura said tugging on Ryou's shirt.

"Yes." Ryou said.

"I have to go potty. Number 3." Bakura said holding his stomach,

"Are you serious! Wait Bakura." Ryou said watching the police and Philippi come back.

"But I have to go now! I can't hold it! Marik gave me diarrhea!" Bakura cried.

"He's charging me five dollars for water and two hundred for wine! It's a rip! We didn't eat our food our service was lousy and I have to pay no! I refuse." Ryou screamed ignoring Bakura.

"He called me ugly!" Philippi shouted.

"So!" Ryou screamed.

"Pudding!" Bakura shouted laughing.

"Well…" The police said.

"I am not paying four hundred fifty five dollars. I am sorry you are mistaken." Ryou said.

"I have to go!" Bakura screamed.

"Just give me one hundred fifty and you can leave." Philippi said.

"I only have one twenty I didn't think it would cost this much." Ryou said handing it to Philippi.

"Here I have twenty dollars pay me back later let's go Ryou diarrhea on the way!" Bakura screamed running and bumping into a wall. He giggled and tipped over to the sides.

At home…

"Ooh yea!" Bakura moaned when he was in the bathroom.

"You put Lysol when you're done." Ryou said sitting on the couch exhaustedly.

5 hours later…

"I'm a big kid now!" Bakura said zipping us his zipper and buttoning his pants. "Man…I feel better." He said sighing..

"I'm never going near Bakura when he's hungry again." Marik said coming out from the bathroom too.

"I gave birth to Marik Ryou. And what an ugly child it was." Bakura said.

"You eat a lot of shit Bakura. Eat some vegetables once in a while." Marik said going down the stairs and tripping.

"Do you feel better?" Ryou asked.

"From what?" Bakura asked.

"Your drunk-ness." Ryou said.

"I was drunk?" Bakura asked.

"You only sang and danced like a retard at that place." Ryou said.

"Well…it's not like we're going back anyway." Bakura said.

"You're right…five bucks Zephyr hills water. I can get Crystalline for three bucks cheaper." Ryou said yawning.

"Cheap ass." Bakura said.

"Drunkard." Ryou said laughing and walking in the bathroom.

Bakura chuckled evilly and rubbed his hands together.

"Oh my god!" Ryou screamed and fainted in the bathroom.

"Good. Shut him up for a good few hours." Bakura said now spraying Lysol in the bathroom.

The End—

Yay! I'm done! R&R please!


End file.
